so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
