Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
