I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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