You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just pee around me
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
