i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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