Whod you bang
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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