You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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