I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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