They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
