You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
