if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
