I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
