That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
