hotel room ftw
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize