You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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