Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
