we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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