Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I pour the whiskey from now on
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize