I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
