They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Even my vagina gasped.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
