We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
