I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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