You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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