You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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