I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
