If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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