you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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