i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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