peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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