new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
