so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
