I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
