even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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