I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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