Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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