Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
