So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
