she was so not down for the gang bang
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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