He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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