My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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