I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
