i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
