I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
