come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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