I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
