allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
