apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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