dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
