I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
