Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
