He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
