ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
