Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
