maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
