omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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