My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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