OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize