last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
