Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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