im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
