oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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