the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
