guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
