honey bunches of taint.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
