I have demons in me.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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