Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
